A tough day

So it's almost been a month since I've blogged and wow has my life been a whirlwind of chaotic fun!  I've really dug deep to discover who I am.  The beginning of January I got to attend my first dance event of the year, and I decided at that point there was no "hiding" me.  I really let myself go(not in a bad way)  I allowed myself for the first time be truly me.  I didn't let anyone intimidate me.  I talked with those who I absolutely admire, as well as met some really awesome people.  I also learned how to hustle.

Ok, so let's back up to the 3rd sentence.  Some of you may not know the world of dance events.  What I went to was an UCWDC event called Worlds.  It was in Nashville, TN this year and basically what it is, is a big competition that people all over the world compete to qualify to attend.  Then the best of the best compete against eachother and one champion from each division is found.  I don't compete.  One day I will, but not now.  What I do at these events is I learn from AMAZING choreographers all different styles of line dance.  Now for those of you who think line dance is only done in country bars, we need to enlighten you to the world of line dance :)  Line dancing to me, is ballroom w/o the partner.  We do night club, salsa, samba, hip hop, country, contra....you get the idea.  Well that is my comfort zone...I can pick up line dances pretty easy, so this year I decided no more staying in what is comfortable and I (with the help of an awesome instructor I was introduced to in November) took a GIANT leap out of my comfort zone.  Not only did I learn how to Hustle(which was really fun!), but I started to let my guard down.  I've discovered that the reason I can't follow a lead is because I'm too guarded!  

So while dancing I decided to really allow myself to "dance".  I didn't just do steps, but I let the expression start coming out of me again, and I have to admit...it felt really good!  Just to allow myself to open up to whoever may or may not have been watching.  Well I didn't just open up dancing, but I allowed myself to talk to people I'd never even think of holding a conversation to.  I often times put people on a pedestal and think that there is no way I could approach them.  I had to remind myself...these people are just PEOPLE, who happen to be really good at what they do.  It doesn't make them any more/less important as me and if they want to sit and talk with me, I should be ecstatic to sit and talk to them.  So much, that I even helped one of these people work through her first fitness class.  I actually got to help mentor one of my favorite dancers/choreographers.  Something I NEVER would have done a year ago. 

So I got home and continued on my self discovery.  I mean...geesh, I made such huge steps why go backwards or even stand still?  So I started digging deeper.  I started reading books that helped me discover my true personality type, and the purpose I am here on this earth.  I've started setting real goals to achieve, which dates and announced it to all my accountability partners so that I won't let them down! I've listened to audio books, to really help me discover that I can accomplish anything I want in life, I just have to make those small steps to get there...

And then that leads me to the title of this post.  You would think after all the above I would be walking on clouds!  But not today... today I was told by one of the most important people in my life that all I have is a negative outlook on life.  I see everything for the worse, all because I asked him not to do something, had valued reasons for him not to do it, and he disregarded all of my hesitations and did it anyways.  A year ago I was a very negative person, and I chose that I did NOT want that to continue.  I reevaluated relationships and although didn't eliminate them from my life, I put others who are more positive before them.  I realized the negative people in my life were holding me back, and the only way for me to move forward on the path that I wanted to move on was to surround myself with those positive and uplifting people.  When I was told I was that negative person I was taken back.  I've worked so hard...I didn't understand how this could be.  So, I immediately got angry and defensive, but quickly took a step back and turned it into a learning experience.  I asked this person how am I being negative.  Of course it had to do with money... it turns out I'm not being negative, I'm just being prepared.  This person is spending tons of money w/o a plan on how to repay it.  Although it was hard to hear, he needed to lash out at me, so I could help him.  Surprisingly.... although it hurt at first, I think this situation will take us both forward.  Right now I'm listening to purpose driven life.  It states that God has put us all on the earth for a purpose.  He had a plan for us....I think I'm starting to see the plan.  Today I had to put myself aside and just listen to what my "plan" was.  It was presented to me, now I just need the strength to continue.  

I know I can make it through these tough times.  I have all my friends supporting me and encouraging me, and I have a great outlook on life now!  I have to remember that there are going to be bumps in the road of life, but each one has a purpose.  This one was to really help this one person realize the road he is going down, and I was the one to be able to help him realize this.  Although it had many tears on my part, and some yelling too...we made it through....a little stronger than we started at, and that's all I can ask for.  Thanks for sticking it out with me :)

A tough day

So it's almost been a month since I've blogged and wow has my life been a whirlwind of chaotic fun!  I've really dug deep to discover who I am.  The beginning of January I got to attend my first dance event of the year, and I decided at that point there was no "hiding" me.  I really let myself go(not in a bad way)  I allowed myself for the first time be truly me.  I didn't let anyone intimidate me.  I talked with those who I absolutely admire, as well as met some really awesome people.  I also learned how to hustle.  

Ok, so let's back up to the 3rd sentence.  Some of you may not know the world of dance events.  What I went to was an UCWDC event called Worlds.  It was in Nashville, TN this year and basically what it is, is a big competition that people all over the world compete to qualify to attend.  Then the best of the best compete against eachother and one champion from each division is found.  I don't compete.  One day I will, but not now.  What I do at these events is I learn from AMAZING choreographers all different styles of line dance.  Now for those of you who think line dance is only done in country bars, we need to enlighten you to the world of line dance :)  Line dancing to me, is ballroom w/o the partner.  We do night club, salsa, samba, hip hop, country, contra....you get the idea.  Well that is my comfort zone...I can pick up line dances pretty easy, so this year I decided no more staying in what is comfortable and I (with the help of an awesome instructor I was introduced to in November) took a GIANT leap out of my comfort zone.  Not only did I learn how to Hustle(which was really fun!), but I started to let my guard down.  I've discovered that the reason I can't follow a lead is because I'm too guarded!  

So while dancing I decided to really allow myself to "dance".  I didn't just do steps, but I let the expression start coming out of me again, and I have to admit...it felt really good!  Just to allow myself to open up to whoever may or may not have been watching.  Well I didn't just open up dancing, but I allowed myself to talk to people I'd never even think of holding a conversation to.  I often times put people on a pedestal and think that there is no way I could approach them.  I had to remind myself...these people are just PEOPLE, who happen to be really good at what they do.  It doesn't make them any more/less important as me and if they want to sit and talk with me, I should be ecstatic to sit and talk to them.  So much, that I even helped one of these people work through her first fitness class.  I actually got to help mentor one of my favorite dancers/choreographers.  Something I NEVER would have done a year ago. 

So I got home and continued on my self discovery.  I mean...geesh, I made such huge steps why go backwards or even stand still?  So I started digging deeper.  I started reading books that helped me discover my true personality type, and the purpose I am here on this earth.  I've started setting real goals to achieve, which dates and announced it to all my accountability partners so that I won't let them down! I've listened to audio books, to really help me discover that I can accomplish anything I want in life, I just have to make those small steps to get there...

And then that leads me to the title of this post.  You would think after all the above I would be walking on clouds!  But not today... today I was told by one of the most important people in my life that all I have is a negative outlook on life.  I see everything for the worse, all because I asked him not to do something, had valued reasons for him not to do it, and he disregarded all of my hesitations and did it anyways.  A year ago I was a very negative person, and I chose that I did NOT want that to continue.  I reevaluated relationships and although didn't eliminate them from my life, I put others who are more positive before them.  I realized the negative people in my life were holding me back, and the only way for me to move forward on the path that I wanted to move on was to surround myself with those positive and uplifting people.  When I was told I was that negative person I was taken back.  I've worked so hard...I didn't understand how this could be.  So, I immediately got angry and defensive, but quickly took a step back and turned it into a learning experience.  I asked this person how am I being negative.  Of course it had to do with money... it turns out I'm not being negative, I'm just being prepared.  This person is spending tons of money w/o a plan on how to repay it.  Although it was hard to hear, he needed to lash out at me, so I could help him.  Surprisingly.... although it hurt at first, I think this situation will take us both forward.  Right now I'm listening to purpose driven life.  It states that God has put us all on the earth for a purpose.  He had a plan for us....I think I'm starting to see the plan.  Today I had to put myself aside and just listen to what my "plan" was.  It was presented to me, now I just need the strength to continue.  

I know I can make it through these tough times.  I have all my friends supporting me and encouraging me, and I have a great outlook on life now!  I have to remember that there are going to be bumps in the road of life, but each one has a purpose.  This one was to really help this one person realize the road he is going down, and I was the one to be able to help him realize this.  Although it had many tears on my part, and some yelling too...we made it through....a little stronger than we started at, and that's all I can ask for.  Thanks for sticking it out with me :)

my new years resolution...to find me!

I've been struggling on what I was going to blog about. Seriously, what is so interesting about me that people would want to know?!? So I've been thinking and thinking, and this blog I've decided is going to be more for me. If you want to read along with my journey I'd love to have the company! I've been struggling on letting people know the real me. I've put up a facade most of my life being what people want me to be and I've lost who I really am in the process. Every year I make a resolution to lose weight..well I've done that, so now I needed to set a new goal. My resolution this year is to figure out who I am, and let people know the real me. Wow...I said it...some of you understand but some of you have no clue how hard that was for me to say(or type). This year it's about me. I guess that can be considered selfish, but when you have lived 28 years and still don't know who you are as a person or the contributions you make into this world that is a problem. It's time for that to change. I hope you check in from time to time...share your thoughts/words of wisdom as this is a very scary but exciting journey I'm about to embark on. Wish me luck and keep me in your thoughts as I know there will be many tears shed as I type this, but it's time to break out of my comfort zone and let the world know(and myself) who I really am!

50 days of commitment

Ok so on Facebook I saw a post from a user that said 50 days of commitment. Basically it was someone deciding that they were going to increase their activity for 50 days and invited others to join her! How convenient, since I was just saying this weekend I needed to switch up my routine and recommit! So it's time...my shoulder is still injured from last week(woke up last Tuesday and couldn't raise my arm), but that's not going to stop me. I just will have to be "aware" of it, and not over do it.

So I did the P90x..my last week of it was halted do to my shoulder, but now it's time to start Turbofire. My goal is to lose at least 2 more inches in my waist, finish toning my arms, and finally reach that goal weight.

Today eating habits were TOTALLY not good...back on track tomorrow. Remember if you have a "bad" meal...get right back on track the next meal. Don't throw your entire day away. Too bad my "off track" today was at 7pm. Oh well...back on track tomorrow morning with a good breakfast.

The past year

Ok, so a lot has changed for me in the past 2 years, but really the past year has been my turning point. Ok so some of you may have known the "old" me. I was the girl that weighed over 200 lbs and I pretended to be happy on the outside, but was miserable on the inside. Well I decided to do something about it. I wanted to be happy with who I was! Geesh...was that too much to ask? So I made a commitment and started to go to the gym 3 times a week..the class of choice was Zumba. So for those of you who don't know what Zumba is, it's a cardio class based off of latin rhythms, but it can also include hip hop which is right up my alley! I met some really cool people and going to the gym became a want not a need! So much of a need that I decided to become a Zumba instructor. I got certified last October,(09) but never did anything with it until March of 10)

So fast forwarding a little bit, the gym decided to do a "challenge" to help people like me get through the holidays. At this point I really wasn't lifting weights at all, and I still was not in great shape. So I made that commitment and made it through losing some more weight, but it wasn't until the second round of this challenge I started to push myself. I really focused on the reason I was doing it (to be happy!!!) and made it a point to get there! That is when a switch in me changed...I needed to focus on me to be happy. Mentally there was a shift and priorities became about what I wanted/needed instead of what I thought others wanted of me/needed of me.

I continued to drop weight and as I did my self esteem went through the roof. I no longer needed to hide in the crowd and didn't mind shining. I added on 3 other certifications too and really focused on getting into my fitness career. It wasn't until I decided to get into independant consulting that I really saw the effect my story could have on others though. I found I love helping people and seeing their success!

So about 20 days ago I got a message on FB from friend that basically said, I need motivation. So I gave her a simple task...do something for 20 minutes. I told her it could be anything as long as she was continuously moving for 20 minutes. She walked the dogs. I told her how well she was doing and gave her the same goal for the next day. She is officially on day 17 and super inspired all because I took the time to give her one task. Seriously?!? Something that easy made a huge difference in her life....and I was a part of that. That makes you glow, but not because you helped, but because that little bit might be their mindset shift, and they could be on their way to find out who they really could be!

Which now leads me to today (in a very scatter brained way)..so I was told today that I need to tone myself down and not have a good time with friends during a fitness class that is focused on the "party" atmosphere. This has happened before and it has passed over, but it hurts more this time. I think it's because I finally have found the "real" me and I'm letting her out. I'm not scared to let others see who I am, and now I'm being told that I need to put "her" away for a little bit. I can't possibly put that girl away...not when it was such a journey to find her. So a lot of searching is going to be going on in the future, hence me starting this blog. Do I try to contain the real me to please others, or do I let the real me show to be true to myself? Let me know your thoughts....