A tough day

So it's almost been a month since I've blogged and wow has my life been a whirlwind of chaotic fun!  I've really dug deep to discover who I am.  The beginning of January I got to attend my first dance event of the year, and I decided at that point there was no "hiding" me.  I really let myself go(not in a bad way)  I allowed myself for the first time be truly me.  I didn't let anyone intimidate me.  I talked with those who I absolutely admire, as well as met some really awesome people.  I also learned how to hustle.

Ok, so let's back up to the 3rd sentence.  Some of you may not know the world of dance events.  What I went to was an UCWDC event called Worlds.  It was in Nashville, TN this year and basically what it is, is a big competition that people all over the world compete to qualify to attend.  Then the best of the best compete against eachother and one champion from each division is found.  I don't compete.  One day I will, but not now.  What I do at these events is I learn from AMAZING choreographers all different styles of line dance.  Now for those of you who think line dance is only done in country bars, we need to enlighten you to the world of line dance :)  Line dancing to me, is ballroom w/o the partner.  We do night club, salsa, samba, hip hop, country, contra....you get the idea.  Well that is my comfort zone...I can pick up line dances pretty easy, so this year I decided no more staying in what is comfortable and I (with the help of an awesome instructor I was introduced to in November) took a GIANT leap out of my comfort zone.  Not only did I learn how to Hustle(which was really fun!), but I started to let my guard down.  I've discovered that the reason I can't follow a lead is because I'm too guarded!  

So while dancing I decided to really allow myself to "dance".  I didn't just do steps, but I let the expression start coming out of me again, and I have to admit...it felt really good!  Just to allow myself to open up to whoever may or may not have been watching.  Well I didn't just open up dancing, but I allowed myself to talk to people I'd never even think of holding a conversation to.  I often times put people on a pedestal and think that there is no way I could approach them.  I had to remind myself...these people are just PEOPLE, who happen to be really good at what they do.  It doesn't make them any more/less important as me and if they want to sit and talk with me, I should be ecstatic to sit and talk to them.  So much, that I even helped one of these people work through her first fitness class.  I actually got to help mentor one of my favorite dancers/choreographers.  Something I NEVER would have done a year ago. 

So I got home and continued on my self discovery.  I mean...geesh, I made such huge steps why go backwards or even stand still?  So I started digging deeper.  I started reading books that helped me discover my true personality type, and the purpose I am here on this earth.  I've started setting real goals to achieve, which dates and announced it to all my accountability partners so that I won't let them down! I've listened to audio books, to really help me discover that I can accomplish anything I want in life, I just have to make those small steps to get there...

And then that leads me to the title of this post.  You would think after all the above I would be walking on clouds!  But not today... today I was told by one of the most important people in my life that all I have is a negative outlook on life.  I see everything for the worse, all because I asked him not to do something, had valued reasons for him not to do it, and he disregarded all of my hesitations and did it anyways.  A year ago I was a very negative person, and I chose that I did NOT want that to continue.  I reevaluated relationships and although didn't eliminate them from my life, I put others who are more positive before them.  I realized the negative people in my life were holding me back, and the only way for me to move forward on the path that I wanted to move on was to surround myself with those positive and uplifting people.  When I was told I was that negative person I was taken back.  I've worked so hard...I didn't understand how this could be.  So, I immediately got angry and defensive, but quickly took a step back and turned it into a learning experience.  I asked this person how am I being negative.  Of course it had to do with money... it turns out I'm not being negative, I'm just being prepared.  This person is spending tons of money w/o a plan on how to repay it.  Although it was hard to hear, he needed to lash out at me, so I could help him.  Surprisingly.... although it hurt at first, I think this situation will take us both forward.  Right now I'm listening to purpose driven life.  It states that God has put us all on the earth for a purpose.  He had a plan for us....I think I'm starting to see the plan.  Today I had to put myself aside and just listen to what my "plan" was.  It was presented to me, now I just need the strength to continue.  

I know I can make it through these tough times.  I have all my friends supporting me and encouraging me, and I have a great outlook on life now!  I have to remember that there are going to be bumps in the road of life, but each one has a purpose.  This one was to really help this one person realize the road he is going down, and I was the one to be able to help him realize this.  Although it had many tears on my part, and some yelling too...we made it through....a little stronger than we started at, and that's all I can ask for.  Thanks for sticking it out with me :)